Q: How are your wedding plans going? Did you get your house yet?
I hope you’re doing well :) my wedding plans are going great, we are pretty much done. Most of it was planned during the summer… Specifically because I didn’t want to be stressed out during the fall… And because I wanted to focus on my cousin Baby (May he rest in paradise). It’s less than 4 weeks now! We just got an apartment, and we are excited about moving in together after the wedding! I’m holding off on the house until next year (God-willing).
I’ve been up since 5 in the morning … The nerves are beginning to kick in! Less than two months for the wedding… It’s starting to sink in! What a bittersweet year.
Going Forward ——>
It’s Sunday morning, and I didn’t go to Church, it bothers me, yes! But I believe this will be the last weekend I do that for a while. I haven’t gone since the day my cousin had his funeral there. However, I was watching Joel Osteen on TV and he said something that really captured my mind. He said that even if bad things happen, you can’t let it consume you, otherwise if you project a negative future… well you will have a negative future. That goes with anything I guess.
Two of my cousins were in the hospital earlier this week… and it seemed to get worse when I got in a car accident. So currently… my Camaro is unavailable! Fortunately, I know my cousins are going to be okay, I will pray for them. As for me, the car accident could’ve been worse. I could’ve gone to the hospital too. I was getting off work and was at a red light when a girl with a newborn ran into me. She had been on her cell phone and was distracted. At first, I was confused because I couldn’t understand how she ran into me when I was stopped, but then she said she was on her phone. All I could think about was that she had a two-week old baby in her car. I don’t have any kids… but if I did, especially a newborn, I would be too paranoid to drive with a cell phone in hand. Needless to say, her car was much more damaged than mine. I will probably be two weeks without my car, but at least I have my health.
So despite September being this horrible… I will go forward and keep on going. This I know won’t be my last obstacle or tribulation… I know there are plenty more to go. There is one thing that has changed me… and it is the way I look at life, ever since the loss of my cousin, I’ve been more reserved and staying home… maybe for my own peace of mind. But, I decided that I’m going to help other people less fortunate or those going through a rough period medically. With that being said, I’m excited to announce that amongst myself and other cousins/sisters, we will be volunteering at the Texas Children’s Hospital and other organizations in which our skills or time may be needed.
No matter what happens in life, I will continue to pay it forward and keep God at heart.
His Last Act of Kindness
It has been a week and three days since my cousin, “Baby,” passed away… and it still feels like yesterday. I think, it’s always going to feel like yesterday, remembering his last days, the previous ones, the years before, just so many memories. No matter how much time passes, if you were close to someone, the memory of them will always be with you.
Just six months ago, he was in my room hanging out and laughing like crazy with my other cousin. The next thing I know, he’s going through therapy, intensive care, and then his final stages. Had I known this would’ve happened, would I have done things differently? Probably not. He would hang out with us whenever he wasn’t doing other things with friends/gf/parents. But still… the fact that he will never come into my room again or laugh, or tell me something funny… hurts.
There is this one thing that keeps me going… and that is that I was able to tell him how much I loved him in his final stages. I told him how he was the BEST cousin ever (sorry to my other 100 cousins! lol jk). I choked on my words… I hated that I had to say goodbye. But I never told him Goodbye though, I refused to. I just told him what I felt and that was that.
There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about him. Whether I’m listening to KSBJ (because he always listened to KSBJ) or when I go home… because the reality is that he lived four houses down from me… in his short 18 years of life.
I want to talk about his last act of kindness… Baby was such a selfless person that he would put everyone before him, especially his family. In his last days he kept coming and going, his heart would stop and then come back because his Mom didn’t want him to leave. It wasn’t until she said it’s okay that his heart stopped at that very moment. She told him she’d be okay and that if he was ready to leave, he could go… ahhh, this brings tears to me again.
The last thing he did was to leave his Mom a Build-A-Bear with his voice recording saying “Mom, I love you and thank you for everything”… Wow. Something to cherish for a lifetime. His siblings also received a similar message on their teddy bears. He was truly the best. You will be forever missed!